╳ ┊❛ jem.

CONTINUED FROM X.

          tired eyes lifting to stare in adamant shock at his sudden confession, he hadn’t wished tessa to know he thought so readily of such. & yet his slowly rising chest with her on top, fingers laced against strands of curled brown hair left a sad sort of smile against paling features.  how he wished not to readily harm her so, & yet in his life… he could do nothing but. if there was one thing james carstairs knew, it was that death was slow approaching, & it was only a matter of time before he left this world. it was a concept he had to accept much to young & yet for the first time he wished so much not to die, for his time to be prolonged, that perhaps he could be cured.

          ❛  i hadn’t meant… there are times when even i can be careless with words. i am sorry tessa, for every ounce of sorrow you feel & are yet to. ❜  hands slowly gliding from hair to cheek, fingers that were once chilled now pressed against the warmth of her. the LIFE, that radiated from her & failed himself. how he wished he could join her in that life, & save her from the worse to come.

                she nuzzles absently. fair cheek rubbing, pressing further ‘gainst plane of his chest. her words were not a lie     ;;     heartbreak real. like a hammer brought to cavity of breast, smashing ribs && lungs && heart as if they were made of naught but porcelain && leaving shards in its wake. empty in her sorrow. && tessa knows she’s naive. sheltered in ways never imagined simply by the way she had been raised, the fact that she had not known better. known what was out there. naive && spoiled && a tiny bit selfish for wanting to keep this boy at her side for as long as possible. she affixes words like  ’  heartbreak  ’  to him && his words for she has no other way to connect them to one another beyond own pain &&, oh !! he has will. he has will && sophie && charlotte && all the others as well yet this is something he must endure alone no matter how many are at his side && the thought has her eyes clenching shut as if such shall shield her.

                ❛          no  …     ❜          she mutters, utters in tonality partially muffled && singular hand lifts, comes to cover his where it rests 'pon her cheek.          ❛     do not apologize for this. never apologize. i just cannot bare the thought of you dying when you should not.     ❜